Baba Ramdev to come out with Patanjali Grenades and Rifles to counter terrorists [Satire]


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While the Indian Security Forces are still coming to terms with the recent attacks by the terrorists on the country, Baba Ramdev today announced that Patanjali will come out with Patanjali Grenades and Rifles, in a bid to help the Indian Army to defeat the terrorists. These would be a part of Make in India campaign. Sadhvi Pragya and Yogi Adityanath were roped in as the Brand Ambassador for the same. Sadhvi Pragya would also be the chairperson of Special Expert Committee, SEX-C.

“The grenades would be called Patanjali G-spot-on, because they would be spot on with their targets. They’ll come in Small, Medium and Large sizes. After they blow up, a sound of ‘swadeshi apnao, swadeshi badhao’ would echo from them. Not only the Army, but the Indian women can also use the Small G-Spot-on to scare away molesters, or could use on their husbands who step on the floor while the floor is still wet. The experts are working day and night to make this available to the army and the general public as soon as possible”, Baba Ramdev told the reporters.

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While explaining the uniqueness of the rifles to be made by Patanjali, Acharya Balkrishan, the right hand of Baba Ramdev told that they’ll be called PK-69, which would be a Joint-Vnture between Patanjali and Kalashnikov and the bullets would be injected with special swadeshi Jadi-buti, grown in their factories.

He also added that Patanjali would come up with special lep, which will completely cease the use of Bullet-proof Jackets used by the Army. This lep, would be a major breakthrough in the combat role and is expected to be sold in billions, when out. “But we are not after the money, we are after Videshi things and promoting what is ours. Why should we purchase arms from foreign countries, when we are well-equipped ourselves?” he retorted, when asked about the money involved.

Asked about what his plans for the future, Baba Ramdev got candid and said “We’re only a modest start-up and we have modest expectations from it but we have already started the work on PMS- Patanjali Mobile Systems. We might expand it to Laptops and other electronic gadgets. Then in future we have a plan for swadeshi fighter planes, satellites, rocket launchers, a Large Hadron Collider and…. Hydrogen bomb, but we’re not putting up our hopes too much high at this time”.

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