Baba Ramdev Going Online, Giving Nightmares to Flipkart, Snapdeal etc.


Disclaimer: Articles on this website are fake and a work of fiction and not to be taken as genuine or true. इस साइट के लेख काल्पनिक हैं. इनका मकसद केवल मनोरंजन करना, व्यंग्य करना और सिस्टम पर कटाक्ष करना है नाकि किसी की मानहानि करना.

Baba Ramdev’s Patanjali has decided to go online to reach the youth of the country. This has created a stir in the business world. Online shopping sites like Flipkart, Amazon, Snapdeal and Shopclues are facing a big challenge from Patanjali. Their panic has resulted in the concepts like ‘Big Billion Sale‘.

Sachin Bansal, Binny Bansal (Flipkart owners) and Kunal Bahl (Snapdeal) were seen taking alprex tranquilizer (anxiety pills) from the same medical store. Their conversation were noted down by our reporter who was under cover (he was actually under-cover as our reporter is a jobless B-tech graduate who sleeps on footpath covering himself with a blanket). The conversation goes like this:-

Sachin-Binny, I never imagined that Patanjali could cause this much damage to our business.
Binny-So did I. However, I know there is someone else behind this strategy.
Sachin- Who is that bastard!!
(Enters Kunal)
Kunal- Kishore..Prashant Kishore..[he says this in the style of Bond..James Bond].
Binny- Kunal you too..I mean anxiety pills. Why?
Kunal- Because no one seems to care about Snap deal -dil ki deal,everyone seems to enjoy ‘Baba ji ki booty’.
Sachin- It’s booti dude..with an ‘i’..People enjoying ‘Baba ji ki booty’ sounded vulgur.
Kunal- How can you figure out the spelling? I said ‘booti’. Not booty. You have a problem. You consider yourself a perfectionist and try to find faults in every other person.
Sachin- Oh really.Did you just say that. Come on man, you wanna piece of me.
Kunal- Actually I wanted a share of you, I mean a share of your company but for now, I can content myself with a piece of you.
[They started fighting on the road tearing clothes of each other.]
Suddenly, they saw people circling around someone, they ran to see what’s happening. To their surprise, Binny was dancing in the middle of the road.
Sachin- What the hell are you doing? You want to be a bar dancer?
Kunal- How can he be a bar dancer you moron, he can be a ‘desi boy’ instead.
Binny- Stop it guys. I was dancing because Kangana Ranaut was flirting with me.
Sachin- Bull shit. I don’t believe this.
Kunal- How can you say that?
Binny- You see that TV showroom?
Kunal-Yeah
Sachin-Yeah
Binny- Watch the TV then. Kangana Ranaut is dancing singing ‘Binny tera swagger laage sexy’.
Sachin- Oh yeah.
Kunal- But she could be referring to Stuart Binny!
Binny- In that case, we must go to her and clarify this.
[Enters Ramdev Baba]

baba-ramdev-conversation-flipkart-snapdeal
Baba- Kids it’s not ‘binny’ it’s ‘banno tera swagger laage sexy’. You guys must try Patanjali ear buds. They are coated with original mustard oil.
Binny- Babaji is it available online?
Baba- Oh yeah.
And the three (Sachin, Binny and Kunal) started to scroll their mobile screens.

Must Also Read: List of all the Patanjali Items to Be Launched in Near Future.

Patanjali, today declared that it will also be entering the fashion world this month. The demands for clothes made from banana leaves are very high as Baba Ramdev claims that these are eco-friendly attires which reduce the chances of any physical problems. This in turn has brought the sales of Surf Excel, Aerial, Tide, Rin and wheel down as no one needs a detergent to wash clothes made from banana leaves. In fact in the sequel of ‘PK’, Aamir Khan will be seen hiding his banana with banana leaves and not with a radio.

Manish Malhotra has filed a case against Patanjali saying he was the first one to design clothes made of banana leaves. He added that he made them for ‘Chunky Pandey’ as he wanted to gatecrash an award function but didn’t had the money to buy a tuxedo for the event. The fashion icon of Bollywood Sonam Kapoor will attend the Cannes film festival in the banana leaf attire.

Patanjali has entered not only the textile sector but also in electronics market. Patanjali phone (pPhone) has become the biggest competitor of iPhone.

Earlier it was like ‘if you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have an iPhone’ but now it’s like ‘if you don’t have an iPhone, you have a pPhone’. The Patanjali phone cannot be put on silent mode, rather they can be put on yoga mode. pPhone comes in it’s signature saffron colour and it is endorsed by Badshah of Bollywood-Shahrukh Khan. In the advertisement he is seen doing ‘Anlom-Vilom’ and the advertisement jingle is ‘Rang de to mohe gerua’. The phone comes with a caller tune feature where the caller gets to hear ‘tumse milne ko dil karta hai re ‘baba'(referred to Baba Ramdev)’.

Amid the buzz around Patanjali, director Raj Kumar Hirani has announced that the third series of ‘Munna Bhai’ will be dedicated to ‘Babagiri’ like the second one was dedicated to ‘Gandhigiri’. In the movie,every time Sanjay Dutt does yoga, he will start seeing Baba Ramdev.

Speculations are high that soon some director will come up with the idea of biopic on Baba Ramdev. Mallika Sherawat, who finds Baba Ramdev hot, has already shown her interest in playing the lady love of Baba Ramdev on-screen.

On being told that there is no lady love of Baba Ramdev, she started sobbing. Seeing the plight, Baba Ramdev has offered her Patanjali tissues for free.

Mallika’s response is still awaited.

 

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